You Are Not a Doctor's Diagnosis

In honor of a dear friend of mine:


A doctor's diagnosis has never defined you. Never has, never will.

When you were born, the doctor may have said to your sainted Mother, 'My condolences . . .' or 'It's a boy, but not sure how he'll turn out . . .' or even, 'Try taking this one home to show the neighbors . .', but no doctor's comments, no doctor's observations, and certainly no doctor's diagnosis ...has ever defined you. You have been defined by the God of your faith from the first.

You have also been defined by the choices you have made and by the man you have chosen to become. You have been defined by the love of the wonderful woman with which you have chosen to spend your life. You have been defined by the heart of love you shared with your daughter all her days. You have been defined by the sharpness of your wit, the keenness of your wisdom, the audacity of your will for life, your passion for the earth and all that dwells therein, and by your strength of character which has served as your moral, ethical and religious compass all your days. But, you have never been defined by a doctor's diagnosis. Never have, never will.

The most any doctor can do is articulate what your body is or is not doing. A doctor cannot diagnose your life. You, in the hands of God, are the only one who determines the veracity of your life, the power of your living, the authenticity of your existence, the reality of your being. A doctor's diagnosis can only speak to the parameters within which your body can express the fullness of your soul and, even then, a doctor's diagnosis cannot possibly perceive the internalized reservoir of pure grit and determination your heart seeks to express in the person you are still becoming.

You are not the sum of an X-ray, a cat-scan, an MRI, a pet-scan, or any other imaging technology through which you journey. You are not the sum of what a surgery can remove or chemotherapy and radiation can treat, neither are you are the assessment of a doctor's consult or a oncologist's best seasoned reasonings.

You are a gift of God, not a diagnosis. Twenty-five years ago, when first our family was blessed to meet your family, when first you and I met as Pastor and parishioner, we quickly became good friends, best friends, precisely because you are who you are, not because of what anyone else said you were, nor because of what any doctor might have diagnosed you to become. We have shared the mountain-top highs and the lowest of valley experiences in the mutual respect, the earthy understandings, and the wonder of faith that has been our blessing to savor together. We have argued politics, debated parenting techniques, cried over disappointments, laughed about 'not being able to fix stupid' (in others, of course!), and always, always looked forward to the next time we could be together walking trails, sharing a drink, telling another story, enjoying the quiet of a new day, or simply watching the beauty of the night sky in awe. You are to me the best friend a man could possibly be purely because no-one on earth is like you.

In your trueness to self, you have chosen to be true to others, but you have never allowed yourself to be defined by them, as much as your incredible wife might like to have tried . . . and now is not a time to start, my friend.

In what has been diagnosed, God is with you in whom you are still becoming. In the things which will need to be done, your family will lend to you their strength, love and support to continue being who you have been all along. In the midst of the questions and challenges before you, your friends and faith family will gather you in the prayer, peace and embrace that only those who know you best can bring to you as you continue to live your days fully and well. Now is not the time to stop 'being'. Now is the time to live more fully the person you have been becoming all along. For, truth be told, that is all God has ever wanted for you, for any of us . . . to be authentic to our 'self' as only each of us can be, regardless of what others may say.

Some may diagnose your life, some may curse it, others may praise it, yet, if you are true to the life you are given to live, no one can ever take it from you . . . for, as you have taught me all along, life is God's from the beginning and so it shall be forever. That is the good news of the Gospel.

I love you, my friend, for all that you are and are becoming - and always will.