They Died of Cellinear's Disease

Picture something with me for a moment: three cars in a row, each speeding faster than the one ahead of it, all trying to make a left turn on a red light, all of them sliding a bit to the side towards the oncoming traffic which now has the green light, and all of the drivers with their right hand up to their ear holding the cell phone so they can continue conversing while (essentially) breaking every law they can in the hope of not being killed while making an illegal turn.

That is, in fact, what I just witnessed at an intersection 3 miles from here. Ironically, I was on the way back from making hospital calls and I was stopped in the Eastbound lanes, while the Northbound lanes advanced on the green light. I am the first car in the Eastbound lanes, so I have the perfect vantage point from which to watch events unfold as these three 'drivers' (and I am using that term very loosely) put everyone in the intersection at risk. I watched the Northbound light change from green to yellow to red. None of the three drivers were in the intersection when the light went red, but all three made it very clear by their speed that they were not going to stop at the intersection either. Only by the grace of God and the astute understanding of the lead Southbound driver did all three make it through the intersection without an accident. Which got me to thinking . . .

I wonder how many people are arriving at the pearly gates with their cell phones still held to their ear? I wonder how many of them arrive at St. Peter's desk casting irritated glances at him while hollering at their phones, 'Where the hell am I that I'm not getting a signal here?!' I wonder how many people step out of the line which goes into heaven because they 'have to finish their conversation'. I wonder . . . how many people are dying of 'Cellinear Disease'? I wonder, too, how many people are being killed by others who have Cellinear Disease?

I know, Cellinear Disease isn't a 'real' disease, because some physician hasn't diagnosed it, but I believe it to be real because I see it every day! I see cell phones figuratively 'stuck' in the hands and on the ears of an ever increasing number of our society, far too many whom share the roadways with me. Many of the same people who brutally complain about having to breath the second-hand smoke of cigarette smokers are the ones who inflict their boorish cell-phone etiquette upon the rest of the driving public, as though their choices of behavior on the road have no consequences in anyone else's life. I've got a newsflash for you: 'If the conversation is that important that you have to have it while waistdeep in rush hour traffic, pull off the road and have the conversation!' I do not want your viral infection of Cellinear Disease to keep me from arriving home safely. There are enough other hazards in life, enough other perils on the road, to keep my attention without having to watch for someone behind the wheel and on the cell-phone . . . with no discernable amount of gray matter in-between.

I truly believe the communication age is amazing and try to embrace it as completely as I can, but I draw the line at allowing others to usher me into an emergency room . . . or beyond . . . just because they can't exercise an iota of personal control or responsibility. Call me old fashioned or call me a stick in the mud, but I pray you call me when you are not at the wheel, because heaven help us both if I arrive at the pearly gates at the same time you do, with you looking at me and speaking into your cell-phone, 'Gosh, I was trying to call you, but I wouldn't have if I had known I was going to see you anyway!' God made us both smarter than that.

Your servant in Christ,

Pastor Don