Grow A Pair

"If only they would grow a pair!" the woman fairly shouted at the screen of the television while watching the recent debate over the national budget. This person was outraged by the partisan behaviors of the congresspersons who were, seemingly, more interested in protecting their job, their place in the political party and their next election chances than they were in coming to a viable solution for the American people. "If only they would grow a pair!" she said more quietly a second time. Then her words trailed off into an unspoken complex vision of a different day which this person carried with her in her mind and heart, leaving me to wonder if I even wanted to know what sort of world it is for which this person longs. Would everyone 'have a pair' in that world view? Or would folks just 'have a pair' when they needed to take a stance?

Maybe it's time to find a better phrase.

Oh, I understand what it is this person was saying and, as most who know me will tell you, I'm not a prude. Yet, I have to wonder if our desire for folks to live as though their life mattered to the rest of the world and be willing to take stands which transform daily living couldn't find a more appropriate manner of expression. Personally, if everyone 'grew a pair' that needed to, what would be the equity of the sexes? Additionally, if every time we ourselves need, or want someone else, to take a stand and use the phrase 'grow a pair', what is being subliminally expressed to every female on earth about their place and power in society?

My understanding of 'grow a pair' is about strength, dominance, willingness to compete on the field of battle, stand up for what you believe, show integrity, be fearless, and live into commonly accepted morals and values, just to name a few. So, what of those who were not 'born with a pair'? Are they condemned to a life of trying to prove themselves as 'having a pair' in spirit, even if not in reality? And, just as importantly, what of those who were 'born with a pair' and have few, or live by any discernible, convictions? Do they need 'another pair'?

Though it is a compliment for someone to say that you really stood up for what you believe and followed the conviction of your soul, would it be equally complimentary to say to a woman - or a man, for that matter - 'Well, you sure showed them you have a pair!' If our greatest measure of a person is the size or virility of their testicles, we are a people greatly to be pitied, for we have subjugated faithfulness, honor and wisdom to the stuff of Brett Favre or Hugh Hefner.

Maybe it's time to find a better phrase.

In His Sermon on the Mount, recorded in Matthew, Jesus says to all the people, "Blessed are you . . ." Contrary to what many have said the word "Blessed" means in terms of 'be happy' and such, the term Jesus uses here carries a much deeper connotation. Though it is hard for common English to translate the Greek word used here, 'Blessed', as Jesus uses it, is more towards 'be at peace in your spirit', 'know that you are well', 'stand strong in who you are' for, and this is the critical part of the translation, 'God is with you'. You are 'blessed' for 'God is with you'. God knows you. God stands with you. God gives you the words you need to speak. God gives you the strength you need to stand up to oppressors. God is with you in the fray. God will never let you alone. You are 'blessed'!

So, what would happen if the next time we are looking at the television screen, at our neighbor or maybe even in the mirror and are tempted to say, 'grow a pair', we instead said, 'Live as you are blessed!'? Live, speak and act the blessing of God being with you, in you, as you are! How would that change the conversation, much less the meaning? How much more accessible would leadership be, regardless of gender, if it were based on living into our blessing, rather than having to 'grow a pair'? How much more would faithfulness, honor and wisdom be lifted up in being 'blessed', than in 'having a pair'?

Maybe it is time to find a better phrase. How about, 'Live as you are blessed!'?

Try it on the next time you are chastising someone about their apparent lack of backbone, the next time you are demanding more of your legislative representation, or the next time you are looking in the mirror wondering why you didn't have the courage to say or do what you know you needed to in that moment. 'Live as you are blessed!' allows us all to access and value the Presence of God in the midst of the journey, regardless the circumstance . . . without having to give up the wonder of the gender in which we were born or the way we have expressed that wonder.

'Live as you are blessed!' doesn't require you to 'grow a pair', either to say it or to live it. Thanks be to God!

'Live as you are blessed!'